Thursday, March 15, 2012

Starting Over

That's honestly what it feels like. The situation I'm in, though with the same people, feels decidedly different. The atmosphere isn't buzzing with stress and anger all the time. My son is deliriously happy. That in and of itself is priceless. I think he feels things much more deeply than the people around him, and I know the atmosphere at my mom's was not the happiest for him.

Steve and I found an apartment, nine months after losing the first one we got. We had to each put down a couple of limbs and a vital organ as a deposit, but this place is ours, and that's what matters. It's a quiet place, has a creek and a playground (with a fence! WHOOOOOHOOOOO!) out back. We had a couple of days of cold showers (until maintenance adjusted the hot water heater), and the garbage disposal leaks water every time I turn the sink faucet on (yay buckets), but the place is clean, bright, and Steven gets to run around to his heart's content. I don't even bother to pick up his toys anymore, he's just going to pull them out when he gets home. I just sweep them aside to vacuum. Speaking of, we need a better one.

Steve has finally come to the realization that he needs to tend to his health and his inner wounds. Things are a lot different between us, it didn't feel like this when we first moved in together. Maybe it's because things are the way they're supposed to be, we're married, settled, and we each have individual projects to work on, as well as ones as a family. I feel hopeful. I have not felt that in a while.

On a more troubling note, both of us have health problems. Steve started drastically losing weight a couple of months ago, and when he finally got in to the doctor, they told him that his sugar was so high, he was on the verge of a diabetic coma. Insulin is expensive, and at that point, he hadn't had any in almost a year. The doctors are helping us with that. The insurance we were forced to get doesn't completely cover the insulin. There's a $300 copay for maybe 3 months. We used to pay at most, $40 for a month's supply. He also has other health concerns to address. But at least he's taking his proper medication. His son and I want him around for a lot longer.

Me, I still have the constant headaches. Now, I get dizzy each time I move too fast or go from a sitting/lying/crouching position to standing. It's annoying. It definitely limits my movements, and I'm afraid to go too far from home. I don't go anywhere alone now, it's just too risky. My resting heart rate is often above 120bpm, so I have to address that as well. Several years back, a neurologist that I had at the time told me that I could have a tumor near my pituitary gland. The current neurologist mentioned the possibility of a cyst (same thing). So, possible brain surgery in the future. Meh, I take it in stride. I just wanna figure out what's going on.

But over all, I'm happy. I have my own again. Even my mother is being nicer. She seems to like me better when I'm not living with her. Go figure. I like her better when I'm not living with her, too.


  1. How wonderful it is to see a happy post! Prayers continue. {{{Sam}}}

    1. Thanks, Shel. ((((Shel)))) I hope you are doing well!